Runny Nose Anyone?

For anybody with seasonal allergies, having your nose gunked up with fluids is a messy form of hell. For someone else it is bathroom décor.

Hey, if you really feel like you're missing out on the experience of draining crap out of nostrils, carry on.

If You're Going to Be That Blunt About it

I suppose if you find your hands down your pants before that big meeting you might want to do something about it. This product will eradicate any and all telltale signs of your exploits.

Used regularly, the alcohol content will eventually train your hands to stay off your genitals long enough to function in proper society again.

No YOU'RE Shampoo

Wait... huh?

So we're lathering sudsy liquid sold en mass at drug stores to avoid polish plaits making a resurgence? Don't get it.

This, ladies and gents is a failed analogy.

Please look forward to my upcoming self help book: How Hipsters are like Grease, a Guide to Making a Buck on Ridiculous Marketing