Runny Nose Anyone?

For anybody with seasonal allergies, having your nose gunked up with fluids is a messy form of hell. For someone else it is bathroom décor.

Hey, if you really feel like you're missing out on the experience of draining crap out of nostrils, carry on.

Stop Eating Shit Already!

What did pet owners do in the days before Amazon to get their dog to stop treating their shit as a delicacy?

Some other suggestions for the pet owner squicked out by their dog's eating habits:

1. By better food so they can tell the difference between meals and shit.
2. Pick up shit before the dog takes in in their own hands to clean up.
3. Accept fido might just be dumber than average. 50% of 'em fall in this category.

If You're Going to Be That Blunt About it

I suppose if you find your hands down your pants before that big meeting you might want to do something about it. This product will eradicate any and all telltale signs of your exploits.

Used regularly, the alcohol content will eventually train your hands to stay off your genitals long enough to function in proper society again.

Please Present Your Balls

Some guys hand over their balls to their ladies in the figurative sense. This is a touch more literal.

You do this when you buy her the ring anyway; this is just cheaper.

Bacon vs Tofu

Mr. Bacon and Monsieur Tofu. No national stereotypes on display here.

Okay, I can see how people want their bacon to have some 'tude. Here in America we've managed to turn bacon into a meme and industry on itself and damn it, we want to wage the ultimate battle of lifestyle food choices from the comfort of our air conditioned couches.

As far as who wins: Bacon beats the ever living crap of monocle cube, but dies an early death from congestive heart failure after a quadruple bypass.

Kinky Emergency Prepper

Good to know there's an emergency kit out there for when auto-asphyxiation goes awry. And who doesn't lose handcuff keys from time to time?  And we all should know the potential perils that come from latex.

 



More Annoying Than MMM Bob

 

I rest my case.

 

Parents, chances are your kids won't like this and you probably don't want to buy anything they want. This is not the answer as everyone loses. If doesn't have anything like "Eleanor Rigby" or "I Am the Walrus" that would pass the hipster irony sniff test.

 

The incredible thing is the fact that these things sell enough copies to warrant a label paying the extraordinary licensing fees for the Beatles catalogue.