How to Avoid Huge Ships

I have to wonder what misfortune would befall someone to get them to seek out this book:

Might be a good gift if you are shopping for Jesus, the messiah or your local water walker. Of course, the price is a bit steep at the moment, so us mortals may want to take this opportunity to share our own techniques.

Mine happens to involve living in a high desert. Hasn't failed me yet.